Letters from Home
by TheVulcanPrincess
Summary: When Tuvok receives a letter from T'Pel, his whole life changes. Set in the fourth season.
1. Chapter 1

Letters from Home

This is set just after the episode "Hunters".

Captain's personal log Stardate 1.2345.6789

_The crew is in high spirits after receiving letters from home through the alien relay. I'm glad to see them so happy, because I'm feeling very conflicted right now. Mark sent me a Dear John letter. I guess I should have expected it, and I'm not really upset by it. I don't have feelings for him anymore, and I haven't for a while, but he was a convenient excuse for attempting to avoid the feelings I do have for someone else...Someone it is entirely inappropriate for me to have feelings for._

Before Captain Janeway could continue, the door to her quarters chimed. "Enter."

It was Lt. Commander Tuvok. "Tuvok! It's good to see you. Come in. Would you like some tea? What can I do for you?"

"I need someone to talk to, and you're my closest friend. This is very personal."

Janeway motioned over toward her couch. "Have a seat. What's on your mind?"

"I received a letter from T'Pel yesterday. She told me that Sek and his wife just had their first child. I am now a grandfather."

"Congratulations, Tuvok! That's wonderful."

"That is not all that the letter said. T'Pel told me that when Voyager was declared lost, and she thought that I was dead, she decided that it would be the logical course of action for her to take a new mate. About six months ago, she did. She is expecting his child, and so when she found out that I was alive, she said that a divorce would be logical."

Janeway put her hand on Tuvok's arm to comfort him. She knew what one of those letters feels like, but Tuvok's situation was worse. She had only lost her fiance. Tuvok had lost his wife of roughly 70 years.

"Oh, Tuvok. I'm so sorry. This must be terribly difficult for you." She was going to give him a little comforting hug, but thought better of it. She didn't want to be misinterpreted.

"Indeed it is, but not for the reason I would have expected. I would have expected to experience a sense of loss. After all, T'Pel and I were married for a long time. However, I feel nothing."

"Vulcans aren't supposed to feel emotion," said Janeway. She knew that Vulcans feel emotion, but that they simply do not express it. She also knew that underneath that cold exterior, Tuvok is a sensitive soul.

"Kathryn, we've been friends for many years. You know better than that. I should have felt sadness. The only thing I feel is guilt."

"Tuvok, it's not your fault! I'm the one who sent you on the undercover mission to infiltrate Chakotay's ship. I'm the one who got us stranded in the Delta Quadrant. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Captain Janeway's reaction surprised her more than it surprised Tuvok.

"I don't feel guilt for being away from T'Pel, and I don't hold you responsible for that separation, either. I knew the risks when I joined Starfleet. I feel guilt because I realized that I'm not in love with T'Pel anymore, and that I haven't been in love with her for a few years. I care about her, but, only as I would care about a sister or a friend. I feel guilty for feeling relief, when I should be feeling sadness at this news."

Janeway was shocked, but she did not allow her face to betray her. Tuvok had always been so devoted to his wife. She wondered what could have happened to change this. Just as she was about to speak, Tuvok's com badge beeped.

Chakotay's voice could be heard. "Tuvok to the bridge!"

Tuvok responded, "On my way, Sir!"

With the conversation unfinished, Tuvok left. Duty calls.

_Captain's personal log, continued_

_I just had a conversation with Tuvok that complicates matters even further. T'Pel has divorced him, and he realized that he hasn't been in love with her for a few years. This makes me wonder what caused him to fall out of love._

_Now I don't have the excuse of Tuvok being a married man as a protection against my feelings. When he was fused with Neelix in the transporter accident a few years ago, and I was faced with the prospect of losing him, I realized that the pain was more than just losing my best friend. I realized that I was in love with him and had been for some time. I vowed that I would never let him know, because I have the utmost respect for T'Pel, and I would never want to jeopardize their marriage._

_These letters from home have certainly brought an upheaval. Yesterday, I was engaged to a man I don't love, and I was in love with a married man. Mark and T'Pel were both standing between any chance of a relationship with Tuvok. Now, they have both stepped out of the way. However, none of this is a guarantee that Tuvok feels the same way about me that I do about him. I should probably just leave it alone._


	2. Chapter 2

Chief Security Officer's personal log. Stardate 1.2345.6789.0

_I behaved very illogically this evening. After getting my letter from T'Pel, what would be described by humans as a "Dear John", I let my emotions take control. The letter was a shock, and forced me to admit to what I had been avoiding, but my behavior was still un-Vulcan._

_I have always loved Captain Janeway as my best friend, but recently, I realized that I love her as more than a friend. I don't know when it happened. I think it might have happened when we mind melded. It was so comfortable sharing my soul with her._

_I vowed not to reveal my true feelings. Although I was no longer in love with T'Pel, I still care about her and respect her and would never do anything to harm our marriage. Now that we have no marriage to harm, though, I don't have that reason. I am unsure of what the logical thing to do is._

At the same moment, Tuvok and Janeway each decided to go and finish the conversation that duty had interrupted. Janeway headed towards Tuvok's quarters, and Tuvok headed towards Janeway's. They passed in the hallway, stopped, and turned around to face each other.

They cleared their throats and said, "Oh, hi...you're just the person I'm looking for."

Once again, at the same time, "Business or personal?"

"Personal."

They walked to Tuvok's quarters and sat down. At the same time, they both said, "You first."

Tuvok began, much to Janeway's relief. "I didn't get a chance to finish what I was in the middle of telling you. I told you that I felt relief that I am no longer bound by my vows to T'Pel, but that I felt guilt because of that relief. What I didn't tell you was why I felt relief."

He continued, "Please hear me out before you say anything. You are my best friend. I don't know how I could have endured this separation from my family without your presence. Your strength and courage has been an inspiration to me. For the longest time, I refused to admit it, even to myself, and I don't know exactly when or how it happened, but receiving T'Pel's letter forced me to deal with the issue..."

Tuvok took a deep breath, almost afraid to say what came next, "Kathryn, I think I'm in love with you."

Janeway was stunned. She had hoped that by allowing Tuvok to speak first, she might still be able to change her mind and not tell him of her feelings. Now that he shares those same feelings, she had to say something.

"I love you, too. That's what I was on my way to tell you. I have been in love with you for a long time..."

Her sentence was interrupted by a tender kiss that said it all.


	3. Chapter 3

Six months had passed since Janeway and Tuvok had their momentous conversation. In the interim, they had been seeing each other secretly. They would meet for dinner after hours a few times a week. Whenever they had a spare moment, they would find some time alone together. They both decided that discretion was advised, because it would look bad for the captain and the security chief to be in a relationship. They were completely professional when they were on duty. So far, nobody suspected a thing.

Janeway awoke in the morning, two hours before she was due on the bridge. She got up, preparing to go to the mess hall for some of Neelix's famed coffee, when she was overcome by a wave of nausea. This was the third time this week that this had happened. Instead of the mess hall, she decided to go to sick bay.

The Doctor ran a tricorder up and down Captain Janeway. "Mmm..hmmm...I see...this is..interesting."

Janeway hated it when he did that. It always made her nervous. "What is it, Doctor? The flu? Neelix's cooking?"

"No, Captain. It's something far more exciting than that. Let me be the first to offer my congratulations!"

"I beg your pardon."

"You're pregnant."

"Pregnant? Are you serious?"

"Yes, you're two months along. In seven more months, you're going to be a mother."

Captain Janeway was surprised, but happy. She had always wanted children, but she had given up hope when she became stranded in the Delta Quadrant. She wondered how Tuvok would take the news.

The Doctor continued, "I'll need to see you every two weeks for pre-natal visits. Here are some vitamin supplements. Be sure to take care of yourself."

"Of course."

"Oh, and Captain, one more thing..." the Doctor continued.

Janeway knew what was coming next. "Yes?"

"You'll have to give up coffee until the baby is born."

The doors to the turbolift opened, and Captain Janeway found herself on the bridge. Physically anyway. Mentally, she was quite distant. She briefly looked in Tuvok's direction, but couldn't bear it, and looked away. He did not see her. Chakotay stood up, greeted her, and briefed her on the recent events. Then he left to perform his other duties.

The bridge shift seemed to last for an eternity. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "Tuvok, can I see you in my ready room? Lt. Paris, you have the bridge."

They entered her office, and the door closed behind them. "I know we said that we would keep our relationship and our jobs separate, but I need to talk to you."

She motioned for Tuvok to have a seat on her sofa. She thought back to that day six months ago when he had sat down on the sofa in her quarters. So much had changed between them since then. She sat down, faced him, looked deeply and tenderly into his rich brown eyes, took a breath, and continued. "I woke up feeling sick this morning, again. I haven't been able to keep food down all week. I went to see the Doctor on my way to the bridge. I need to tell you what he said."

Tuvok wasn't sure what to think. Many things crossed his mind. _Was she ok? Was she dying? Illogical_, he thought! He was letting his emotions cloud his judgment by jumping to wild conclusions. There could be any number of things that she could be about to say. He should simply wait to see what she said before reacting. He put his hand on her arm, just as she had done to him the day he told her about T'Pel. Kathryn continued, "I'm pregnant. In seven months, we're going to be parents. I was going to wait until we got off duty to tell you, but I couldn't."

Tuvok was relieved that Kathryn was ok. His eyes got a bit misty, and as he tried to speak, he became choked up. He was delighted that their love had created a new life. Family is extremely important to Vulcans, and he was no exception. Instead of speaking, he embraced her. After a moment, he looked into Kathryn's eyes, and saw that she had tears as well. She broke the silence by saying, "We should finish this conversation after we get off duty. Will you join me in my quarters at 1900 for dinner?"

"Of course," he replied.

Captain Janeway continued, "I think it would be best if we don't walk back to the bridge together. You go first, and once I have things back together, I'll join you."

Tuvok didn't want to leave her now, but he also sensed that she had just jumped back to captain mode. He paused for just a moment to confirm his suspicions.

"Commander, you're dismissed."

Tuvok exited the ready room and returned to the bridge. Tom Paris gave him a questioning look, but Tuvok just raised his eyebrow and asked for a report. Captain Janeway did not return to the bridge for about half an hour.

That evening, Tuvok showed up in Kathryn's quarters carrying a flowerpot with one of the orchid hybrids that he grew. As he entered, he handed it to her. "I had two very different flowers. Both of the flowers were drooping, and I didn't know what to do to make them grow. I decided to splice them together in the hopes that they would strengthen one another. It was slow at first, but when the two flowers joined, the result was a strong, vibrant plant. Together, they created something new and lovely. I want you to have it."

The meaning was not lost on either of them. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

They sat down to dinner. Kathryn continued, "I'm sorry for abruptly ending our conversation this morning. I didn't want to get emotional in my ready room while we were supposed to be on duty."

"I understand," replied Tuvok.

After dinner, they talked for a while and began to discuss the big change ahead of them.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, the senior officers had their weekly staff meeting. Captain Janeway asked the questions in her standard method, but she was slightly distracted by what she was going to say at the end of the meeting.

"B'Elanna, how are things going in engineering?"

"Well, we're making progress on the engine upgrades. Ensign Vorik thinks that they'll be ready by tomorrow."

"Very well. Doctor, how is sickbay going?"

"No major incidents to report. A few headaches, two bruises, some strained ligaments, and one case of acute nausea." Captain Janeway did not like his pointed look as he said the word nausea.

"Thank you. Tuvok, what is happening with security?"

"This has been a quiet week. There have been no breaches of security. I am, however, going to implement additional training for my staff, just in case."

"Ok. Chakotay, do you have anything to report about the crew?"

"No, Captain. Everything is going very well. Everyone has been on time for their duty shifts, and there have been no reported conflicts among the crew members. We're just one big, happy family here." Chakotay smirked when he said that. Normally, Captain Janeway found his smirks endearing, but for some reason, today, she found it annoying.

"Does anybody have anything else to add before the meeting closes?"

Everyone looked around the room, and they started to shift in their chairs as if they were ready to leave. Captain Janeway said, "Before we adjourn, I have something that I would like to bring up."

"As some of you may have noticed, I've been a bit testy the last few weeks. The doctor mentioned that he treated one case of acute nausea this week. The nausea was actually morning sickness. I just found out yesterday that I'm two months pregnant."

Everyone in the room, except for Tuvok and the Doctor, inhaled in surprise. She continued, "I'm sure some of you are wondering who the father is. I have decided to keep that information confidential for now. The Doctor has assured me that this is a routine pregnancy, and that it should proceed without complications. I will continue my duties for as long as I am able, at which time, I will take maternity leave to recover."

There was a long pause as everyone took in the information. Before anyone had a chance to say anything more, Janeway said, "You are all dismissed."

They got up to leave, but Commander Chakotay lingered behind. Kathryn was dreading this moment. She knew that he had feelings for her, and the knowledge that she had chosen another would be painful for him. He began to speak. "Capt...Kathryn. You can tell me. Who's the father?"

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I know this must be hard for you. It's better if you don't know."

"I think it's better if I do. As your first officer, I'm responsible for keeping up on interpersonal relationships among the crew. I need to know of potential areas of conflict, and how they affect people's duties. You really should tell me."

Janeway stiffened, slightly irritated that he was pressing the matter. She looked at him with her icy stare that she reserves for when she means business. "Have you heard of any conflict arising out of my 'interpersonal relationship' with another member of the crew? If it hasn't created any conflict, it is outside the scope of your duties. I don't want to discuss this any further. Is that clear, Commander?"

"Yes, Captain." Chakotay slunk out of the room, not sure what to think. He was a little jealous, but he didn't like not knowing who to be jealous of.

Meanwhile, on the bridge, speculation was abounding. Tom Paris and Harry Kim were talking about all the possibilities. Harry elbowed Tom and said, "So...I know you and the captain had some baby lizards once..."

"I've tried to forget about that," Tom replied. "Don't look at me, I'm not the father. You know B'Elanna and I are dating. She would have my head if I even thought about it. I bet Chakotay is the father. He's been swooning over Captain Janeway ever since he came on board."

Tom looked at Tuvok and said, "You've known her longer than anyone else on board. What do you think, Tuvok?"

Tuvok was taken off guard by the question. He doubted that anyone suspected him, and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn't care if people knew, but Kathryn wanted to wait to tell the crew, and he respected her wishes. He chose his words carefully, and responded, "I think...that the captain has made clear her desire to keep the identity of the father a secret. I also think that it is unprofessional for senior officers to be gossiping and speculating about the captain's personal life while on duty. Stop this conversation immediately."

"Yeesh, Tuvok, lighten up! We're just having a little harmless fun," Paris replied.

Tuvok raised his eyebrow, and gave a look that said that he would pull rank if he had to. Tom and Harry dropped the subject.


	5. Chapter 5

Captain's personal log, Stardate 2.3456.789

_The speculation about who the father is has died down. I'm quite relieved by that. I know Tuvok would like to just announce it and get it out in the open, but I'm not comfortable with that just yet. I know that when the baby is born, the issue will force itself. There are only two Vulcans on the ship, so everyone will figure it out. I'm not ashamed that Tuvok and I are in love, I guess I just want to protect him from people thinking that he's trying to curry favor by sleeping with the boss._

_I know...I know. Tuvok would say that I'm being illogical, and maybe I am. I want to get married, but I don't feel comfortable bringing up the subject. I know I should be comfortable. After all, we're comfortable enough around each other to conceive a child. I guess it's the whole issue of rank again. I don't know why I care what others think, but I do. I guess I feel a little bit guilty for constantly rebuffing Chakotay under the pretense that it's inappropriate to date those under my command, and then I go and have a relationship with Tuvok._

About one week before she was due, Captain Janeway consulted with the Doctor, and they agreed that it was best for her to begin her maternity leave. She was in her quarters, preparing a nursery for the baby, when the chime rang. "Enter!" She kept working.

Tuvok came in. "Good evening, Kathryn. What are you doing?"

"Finishing up the nursery. Do you like it?"

"You should be resting. You're nine months pregnant, and it's illogical for you to overtax yourself."

"I can't help it. In late pregnancy, human women have an almost irresistible urge to prepare everything for the arrival of the baby. It's called nesting."

They sat down on the couch. Tuvok brushed Kathryn's hair back, and leaned in to give her a kiss. He looked over at the nursery and said, "I've been thinking. I have behaved improperly by taking you for a mate without giving you the permanence that that relationship deserves. You deserve to have the security that comes with a lasting union. It is only logical that I give that to you."

Tuvok knew that to a Vulcan, what he had just said would be sufficient. However, Kathryn is an emotional being, and he had to appeal to that side as well. He rarely showed his emotions, but he decided that now was a good time to let some of them out in the open. He continued, "Although there are several logical reasons for what I am about to say, it mainly comes down to this. This past year has been wonderful. You complete me in a way that I did not know that I was incomplete. You are my best friend, and my soul mate. I can no longer imagine my life without you in it. I want to spend the rest of my days with you by my side. Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?"

Kathryn was delighted. Although she enjoyed the emotional aspect of what he said, and she knew that he meant every word, it was his logic that touched her. She knew that he could use his logic to justify anything that he wanted to, and the fact that he was using it to propose marriage to her showed his sincerity. He wasn't doing this because he felt obligated, he was doing this because he was in love. "Tuvok, I-" Before she could finish her sentence, she put her arms over her abdomen and let out a groan. After she was able to take a deep breath and start to talk, she let out another groan.

"What is it!" Tuvok asked in concern.

"Contractions. I'm going into labor."

Tuvok tapped on his com badge. "Tuvok to sick bay. Captain Janeway is going into labor. I'm bringing her in."

"Understood," replied the Doctor.

They arrived in sickbay and Kathryn was on the delivery table. Tuvok was by her side holding her hand and encouraging her to push. For a split second, his mind flashed back to the four times he had stood by T'Pel's side in this very same situation. He quickly put that thought out of his mind and focused his attention on the present.

Neelix stopped by after a few hours to check on the captain. As morale officer, he wanted to make sure everything was ok. Members of the senior staff filed in and out. After Neelix left, Lt. Paris came to sickbay. He stayed for a few minutes, and then left. Ensign Kim came and then left. Only Tuvok stayed the whole time.

After eight hours, the doctor said, "Things are going slowly. Tuvok, you should go and get some rest. Captain Janeway is in my capable hands."

Tuvok replied, "Vulcans can go for days without sleep. I am fine, and I would prefer to stay right here where I am."

The Doctor smirked and said, "Careful, Tuvok. You brought her in here and have been by her side the whole time. If the crew didn't know better, they might think..."

Tuvok cut the Doctor off by raising his eyebrow in standard Vulcan fashion.

After sixteen hours of labor, the sickbay doors opened, and Chakotay stood in the doorway.

The Doctor walked over to the door to head Chakotay off. He was sick of the constant visitors. "Can I help you, Commander?"

"I just got off my bridge shift, and I went to go check on Captain Janeway to see how she was doing. When I got to her quarters and she wasn't there, I asked the computer where she was, and the computer said she was in sickbay."

"Yes, she is. She's in labor, and I don't want my sickbay turned into a circus. I'll let you know when you can visit."

Chakotay peered around the Doctor and saw Tuvok standing next to Captain Janeway. "You're letting Tuvok be here."

"That's because Tuvok is..." There was a slight pause, and for a split second, Chakotay wondered if the Doctor was going to say that Tuvok is the father. But then he put that thought out of his head as absurd. "...her Lamaze coach."

Finally the Doctor relented, and Chakotay walked over to the bed where Janeway was still pushing. Tuvok looked up, a little startled, and a little annoyed, to see Chakotay there, interrupting such a private moment. He did not let on, however. Kathryn is the only person he shows his emotions around.

After another hour, the Doctor announced, "I see the head. You're almost there. Keep pushing!"

A few moments later, they all heard the cry of a healthy infant. Just as Tuvok put his arm around Kathryn's shoulder, the Doctor was the first to see a radiant, dark-skinned, pointy-eared baby. "Congratulations! It's a girl!" He cleaned her up, cut the umbilical cord, wrapped her in a blanket and handed her to Captain Janeway. Kathryn and Tuvok looked at each other, beaming, with love in their eyes.

Chakotay and the Doctor looked at each other in surprise. Neither one of them had actually expected Tuvok to be the father. Chakotay recovered from the surprise and said, "Congratulations to you both. She's beautiful." He then awkwardly excused himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Chief Medical Officer's Log- Stardate 3.456789.012

_This morning, after seventeen hours of labor, Captain Janeway delivered a healthy baby girl. She weighed 4 kilograms and was 50 centimeters long. My initial visual analysis was that she is half Vulcan. After doing a DNA test on the placenta, I have determined that my initial assessment was correct. Lt. Commander Tuvok is the father._

First Officer's Personal Log- Stardate 3.456789.012

_I can't believe it. Kathryn gave birth to her daughter this morning, and I found out that Tuvok is the father. Of all the people! I was hoping that the father was going to be some alien from a one night stand or something. I know that wouldn't be like her, but this is just too much to deal with._

_I let myself fall in love with her, and I pursued her for four years. She pushed me away every time I tried to get close because she said that as captain, it was inappropriate for her to become romantically involved with a crewmember. She was obviously lying to me!_

_No, Kathryn wouldn't lie to me. It's not like her. Tuvok must have pressured her into this. That #$! already betrayed me once when he pretended to join the Maquis in order to spy on me, and now he's taken the woman I love._

Chakotay was too angry to continue his log. He decided that he should talk to his spirit guide to try to calm himself down. He took down his medicine bundle, sat on the floor, and got started. After a few minutes, he saw a vision and began conversing with his guide.

The next morning, Kathryn sat in her quarters resting. The baby was asleep, and Tuvok was on duty. Around lunch time, Tuvok came in to check up on them. "Chakotay let me off early today."

Kathryn smiled. "I've been thinking about what you said last night just before I went into labor," she said, "The answer is yes."

Their eyes met, and she continued, "Tonight is the first night of Prixin. What better opportunity than the annual party celebrating families, than to make both of our joyous announcements?"

"Indeed."

News had spread of Janeway's delivery, but the father's identity was still a secret. The Doctor was bound by confidentiality not to disclose, and Chakotay was still too embarrassed at losing to a Vulcan to bring up the subject.

The crew gathered that evening for the party. After the opening speech was read, and the festivities began, Kathryn picked up a glass of water and a spoon. She tapped the spoon on the glass and asked for everyone's attention. "Prixin is a wonderful holiday, where we can celebrate the spirit of family. In that spirit, Tuvok and I have two announcements to make. The first is that we want to announce the birth of our daughter. We decided to give her a Vulcan first name and a human last name. We are pleased to introduce you to T'Lea Janeway."

The entire room was abuzz for a moment, and then everyone quieted down for the second announcement. "Additionally, Tuvok has asked for my hand in marriage, and I have accepted. We will be joining in holy matrimony in six weeks."

With that, the entire room cheered. The rest of the evening was spent congratulating the happy couple and celebrating the newest addition to the Voyager family. As the party died down, Chakotay was sitting alone in the corner moping. Kathryn was tired, so she took T'Lea back to her quarters. Tuvok looked over at Chakotay and decided that he needed to go over to talk to him.

Chakotay saw Tuvok approaching, and felt uneasy. He didn't know what to say, and he certainly didn't expect the words that came out of his mouth. "Do you love her?"

"I beg your pardon," Tuvok replied.

"I said, do you love Kathryn? Or are you marrying her just because you got her pregnant? Are Vulcans even capable of love? And what about T'Pel?" Chakotay got more upset with each question.

Tuvok was taken aback, but decided that in the interest of preserving good work relations, he had better answer the questions. "First, T'Pel re-married a year and a half ago. When she found out that I am still alive, she divorced me. I am not an adulterer. Second, Vulcans are capable of love, and every other emotion. We simply control our emotions and do not display them openly."

"And what about third and fourth?" Chakotay was beginning to raise his voice.

Tuvok got quiet, and he responded, "I love Kathryn with all my soul."

Chakotay was absolutely shocked to hear this. He was expecting a long monologue about how getting married was the logical thing to do. The pause grew slightly awkward, and then Chakotay said, "I do, too. And, after some soul searching, I've realized that part of loving someone is putting their wishes first. I want Kathryn to be happy more than anything in the world. It appears that I can't give that to her, but you can. Will you promise to do everything in your power to make her happy?"

Tuvok replied, "Yes."

They stood up, and Chakotay extended his hand as a gesture of peace. "Then you have my blessing. I wish the two of you the best, and I promise not to interfere in your relationship."


End file.
